The Gum Incident
by Talk Bubble
Summary: COMPLETE/ Pre-game oneshot crackfic. Cloud remembers the gum incident... but he wishes he didn't. GETTING GUM IN YOUR HAIR IS NOT FUN!


"Spike..." Zack smiled when he opened the door to find his younger friend standing there. "How the hell did you...?" the SOLDIER began to chuckle softly.

"I've been trying to get it out for the last two hours. It's very stubborn," Cloud said, tugging at the gum entangled in his blond strands of hair. "Help?"

"You're hopeless Cloud." Zack pulled the smaller boy in and closed the door behind him. He began to push him towards the bathroom of his apartment, but was stopped by a smooth, velvet voice.

"Hmm? What's this?" Feeling dread, the blond looked up and saw what he had expected to see, but had hoped against all hope that he wouldn't: General Sephiroth. He hated appearing vulnerable and idiotic in front of his hero, but it seemed he was destined to mess everything up whenever around him. In fact, this was something the silver-haired man found endearing about that boy, but he never let on of course, preferring to intimidate all who were near him.

"Spike here's got a little problem," Zack said, much to Cloud's horror. "I don't know _what_ this kid gets up to in his free time..." He looked down at the cadet, grinning amusedly. Cloud didn't know what to respond. The general rose up from his seated position on the small couch and walked over to them. Cloud unconsciously stepped back, into Zack.

Sephiroth reached out and patted at the sticky locks of hair. He removed his hand and a line of gum stretched out, stuck to his fingers.

"This doesn't seem like regular gum," he said, rubbing the substance between his thumb and forefinger. He tried pulling his hand farther away to get the gum off but it only stretched wider. "Hmm..." Prying it off also proved to be ineffective, as it was now stuck to both his hands. He pulled aggressively on the substance suddenly, and Cloud yelped as his hair was practically wrenched from his head.

Zack, who had been watching as if it were some form of entertainment – snickering and giggling –, saw the desperate look Cloud shot him and decided to interfere.

"Hey... Seph... I think we should get to the bathroom and try to remove it – gently – with some warm water," he offered, and proceeded to do just that. Sephiroth followed, as he had no choice, seeing that the pink mass didn't seem to be letting go anytime soon.

OOO

"Maybe shampoo will help," the Demon of Wutai suggested, dunking his hand under the water, nearly drowning Cloud, who was still stuck to his palm.

"I'll try that," said Zack, once again coming to his friend's rescue by pulling his head from beneath the water. He grabbed a bottle of shampoo and practically emptied it over the blonde's head, (and Sephiroth's hands.)

"Wait, you'll get the floor all messy," Sephiroth objected.

"What do you care? It's my apartment!" Zack lathered the shampoo frustratedly.

"Even so."

"...I'm not getting in the bathtub with my clothes on," Cloud piped up, irritated at the shampoo running down his face. The others looked at him pointedly. "And I'm NOT TAKING MY CLOTHES OFF!" He added quickly.

"This is quite a dilemma," the silver haired man tried tugging on his hands once again.

OOO

"Maybe if we put ice on it..." Zack held a pack of ice to the gum.

"That's for bruises!" Cloud cried, pitying his poor abused scalp.

"So then let's heat it." The dark haired SOLDIER dropped the icepack and went to turn on the stove.

"Don't even _try_ getting my head _near _that stove!" Cloud hissed with finality.

"I'll cut it with Masamune then," Sephiroth offered. Cloud squeaked fearfully.

"No way! That'll be like giving in to this thing... All it wants is to be sliced with Masamune, and we aren't gonna let that happen!" Zack yelled competitively.

"Would you be saying that if you were also stuck to this infernal gum?" Sephiroth asked darkly.

"Ehe..." Zack backed away slowly.

OOO

Genesis sat calmly reading LOVELESS when he noticed Angeal was walking up to him.

"Hello Angeal, something the matter?" He asked, noticing something wrong in the demeanour of his long-time friend.

"I haven't been able to find Zack, or Sephiroth either," Angeal explained.

"Well that's not unusual... nothing to worry about."

And as he was saying this, Zack rounded a corner and ran past them full speed.

"There's no way I'll get stuck to that thing willingly Seph! Over my dead freaking body!" he shouted as he ran. Angeal and Genesis turned to look at his retreating back confused. Not a moment later Sephiroth also ran by, dragging along a chocobo-looking cadet with him.

"Was that a challenge, Zack?" the silver haired man retorted, disappearing after him.

The other two first class SOLDIERs stared after them before deciding to see what the commotion was about and began to run after them themselves.

OOO

It was about an hour and 47 minutes later that someone complained about the noise and Lazard walked out of his office to see what was going on.

Upon seeing the four SOLDIERs and one cadet tangled in a giant mass of bubble gum, he burst out laughing and made a call to the Experimentation Division of Shin-Ra.

Everyone glared at him as they shuffled their way awkwardly into the office. They then stared blankly as he retrieved some milk from a mini-fridge in the corner and poured it all over them.

The gum dissolved.

"Wow..." Zack was speechless as he pulled the remains of it from his uniform.

"What kind of gum is this?" Genesis glared even harder.

"That's a new experiment the scientists from our labs have been working on... you know, to use against our enemies," Lazard explained.

"I can only imagine the mayhem that would cause on the battlefield," Angeal commented. Sephiroth smiled.

"Well then... I'll just be leaving now..." Cloud said, and did so.

**Well xD That took one hour, three months of writer's block, and 2 hours again to write! Hope you enjoyed.**

**Why was the gum in Cloud's hair in the first place..? I don't know.**

**What was Seph doing in Zack's apartment..? I don't know.**

**Why **_**milk,**_** of all things..? Because milk FTW.**


End file.
